When it comes to their kids, many parents don’t trust tech companies any more.

Social media companies have spent the better part of the last decade arguing that their platforms are safe for teens, but quite a few parents aren’t convinced. They, along with a growing number of regulators, have increasingly accused companies like Meta of designing products that are addictive to younger users.

AI firm OpenAI, thrust into the public consciousness much more recently than Meta, has had to defend against dozens of lawsuits alleging chatbot ChatGPT lacks safety guardrails. Now, workers at the world’s leading AI firms have warned that their employers prioritize competing with each other over building their models safely.

Both the AI and social media companies have denied the claims, and introduced additional safety measures such as parent-linked teen accounts.

Still, for many parents, lawsuits and public accusations have been enough to change their minds about whether to allow their children to use both social media and AI.

The Guardian asked parents whether their perspective on their children’s use of social media or AI has changed in the last year and whether they plan to let their kids use either technology. The vast majority of those who responded said they no longer wanted their children to use social media, and many of them said they also try to steer their children away from AI.

“They are the most precious thing in my life,” Caroline Gray Ford, a 42-year-old parent from Cambridge, UK. “So why would I ever turn them over to a bunch of tech companies whose sole motivation is to profit from their time and harvest their data?”

The tech worker who feels torn between two worlds

I work in tech, specifically in the AI sphere, and honestly I worry about the future that’s going to be there for my kids. Not in a doomsayer way, but, being realistic, the world is going to be a very different place when they grow up. I’m torn between two worlds – the world I work in, and that supports their upbringing, and the knowledge that the very work is destroying their future – whether that be on an economic or environmental level.

Do I feel the need to encourage them to use AI? Yes. Do I want to? No. On the flipside, social media is out. They can use WhatsApp to connect and build real-world relationships. But otherwise no good can come of it.

– Andy, 43, London, UK

The recent major lawsuits against Meta, along with decisions by non-US governments to limit social media use for under-16s, have enabled me to have meaningful conversations with my daughter about the real risks of social media use for her age group. She still asks to use these products (they aren’t limited in the US), but I remind her of the decisions we’ve made, together, to wait until she’s older before she can use them.

My 11--year-old is not permitted to use social media on her own. As for AI chatbots, she may occasionally use them if they show up on a Google search when we are looking up a topic, but I encourage her to check the validity of anything AI-generated. She’s very aware of AI hallucinations, and hates AI images. She will actually call me or her older sister out if we accidentally share an AI-generated image.

Our family is very eco-conscious – we’re aware that AI uses massive amounts of water and energy, so we try to avoid AI apps as a family, if there are other options at our disposal to obtain information.

– Kate, 47, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The parent who works in AI and is worried about how their kids are exposed to technology in school

My perspective has become significantly more cautious.

As a parent and someone who works in AI, I’m increasingly concerned about the gap between the way these technologies are marketed and the risks they can pose to children. I want my daughter to grow up understanding and using technology, including AI, but I don’t think children should be treated as unwitting test subjects for products whose effects on their learning, development and wellbeing are not yet fully understood.

What’s particularly concerning is how early these tools are being introduced through schools, often with little meaningful parental involvement or choice. I’m increasingly questioning whether companies are prioritising children’s interests or engagement and profit, and whether schools and local authorities are doing enough to scrutinise the technology they’re putting in front of children.

I don’t think children are being adequately educated about how to use these tools safely or critically. There’s a huge difference between teaching children how to use technology and simply putting devices and apps in front of them.

But I also think the responsibility shouldn’t fall solely on parents. Schools and local authorities need to ensure that children are being taught digital literacy and critical thinking alongside the introduction of these tools.

– Anonymous, Scottish borders

The frustrated parent who feels government isn’t doing enough

It’s made me really angry to be honest. I was already keeping my kids away from the internet as much as I could but the lack of action from government has left me feeling really frustrated and determined to be stricter with what my kids will be able to use and when. I’m also funnelling some energy into campaigning on this issue.

[They] absolutely [cannot use] social media and never chatbots. Why would I give them something that could make them mentally ill and/or lead to cognitive decline?

They should be educated on the danger and told to stay away, not told to “use them safely”. Is there a safe way for them to smoke??

– Anonymous, Kent, UK

I have been skeptical about social media and AI since the beginning. I see in my 12-year-old son the obsessive grip that social media has on him. I include videogaming here, as it comes with YouTube influencers, and interaction with others on Discord servers. It is shaping his childhood and worldview in a way that I don’t like. I’m particularly concerned about digital media crowding out IRL activities that help him grow as a person and understand the world – like reading, exploring, playing with other kids face-to-face ...

My son has been given a Chromebook at school (no choice given to parents), and has a laptop for gaming, with time limits. Managing his screen time is a cat-and-mouse game that everyone hates at home. He has found ways of circumventing restrictions as only a creative child can. He is unable to control his impulse to go on his devices – that’s difficult enough for adults, let alone a child. The lack of guardrails and regulation of children’s access to digital technology means that millions of individual households have to manage and set the rules themselves. It’s stressful and poisons the atmosphere at home.

– Anonymous, Madrid

The risks of social media and AI far outweigh any benefits, and the evidence of harm is all around us. I find it staggering that we have allowed ourselves to sleepwalk into this current situation, where truly hideous online experiences are now so normalised.

I am, however, very hopeful that we are at the beginning of major culture change. Most of my parent friends are in agreement that collective action is the best way forward; many of us have agreed to delay smartphones and social media and we feel our lives will be easier for it.

The big tech business model will never change, which is why I think it is so important for families to come together. We can’t afford to wait for these companies to change. As long as there is money to be made, children will continue to be exploited for profit; it is truly nefarious. We will look back on this time and wonder what the hell we were thinking.

– Caroline Gray Ford, 42, artist and regional leader for Smartphone Free Childhood, a grassroots movement of families coming together to delay the use of smartphones and social media