During the last five months my 64 year-old mother has been admitted to the hospital four times. As her primary caregiver, my responsibilities demanded that I handle emergency calls and advocate for her treatment all while still trying to keep my own life together.
I also have an 11-year-old son who is still adjusting to middle school and I work full-time as a civil servant for a major city. As if this wasn’t enough, I’m also completing my studies at Columbia University Teachers College to obtain my master’s degree in clinical psychology with a focus on spirituality, mind, and body integration. And I’m working through a divorce.
The emotional toll has been nearly unbearable. There have been times when my mom needed help with much of the mental, emotional, and logistical labor of her illness, while I worked to maintain some sense of stability for my son and myself.
Though I am graduating this semester, my studies are already paying off as I navigate my place in the “sandwich generation,” caring for my aging parent and child at the same time, all while trying to advance my own career. My coursework has provided me with tools that include deep listening skills, emotional intelligence abilities, and empathetic understanding that have been so valuable during this tricky time of my life.
Advocating for my son remains a priority
Of course, caring for my son remains a constant priority in my life, no matter what else is going on.
In recent months, he has begun to display behaviors, such as trouble focusing, which disrupt his learning process. I have been working on getting him evaluated so he might be able to access to resources like extended times for exams, but this has taken a lot of advocating on my part.
Studying psychology has made me realize that healing requires community support, and we must not be afraid to ask for what we, or the ones we care for, need to thrive.
I’m ensuring that my mother receives thorough care
During recent hospital visits, I’ve noticed that reminding medical staff about fundamental, yet crucial, information in my mother’s medical history drains her emotionally and creates a deep sense of discouragement.
This is essential information that influences all of her medical needs should guide any approach to her treatment. My coursework has given me the tools to speak up in these situations, ensuring that she gets the care she deserves.
I’m still learning, but already feel empowered
My coursework has given me tools I never expected to use this early in my emerging career. I’ve gained unexpected tools that include deep listening skills, emotional intelligence abilities, and empathetic understanding. I’ve use these skills during ER visits with my mother and whenever I help her deal with pre-visit anxiety as well as when I support my son through a difficult week at school.
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I’ve learned that healing occurs where body, mind, and spirit connect. This newfound comprehension revolutionized my advocacy methods I’m using for those I love.
I’ve found purpose in the chaos
These last few months, my time has mostly been divided between the hospital and classes. I usually spend the remainder of my hours working. Or reviewing homework with my son. Or emailing school staff. Or prepping for yet another doctor’s appointment. Or bracing for the next emergency call. The chaos never ends, yet it provides me with purpose.
I now understand my education isn’t a future tool I will use after graduation but rather an active part of my daily life; while helping me maintain focus and hope during overwhelming pressure. Resilience reveals itself through everyday progress as people maintain hope and overcome challenges with each new achievement. I just need to keep believing this and working toward a time when I will have more ease.