My Mom Told Me She Never Wanted Grandkids and Was Distant With My Son

When I told my mom I was pregnant, she didn’t hug me. She didn’t even smile. She just went silent, and I wasn’t surprised.

She had always made it clear that she never wanted grandkids, and I knew that going in. But I was now married, and my husband and I really wanted to start a family.

So I lowkey hoped she’d come around, even a little. But no — she didn’t.

She was tired of caregiving

My mom’s life always revolved around caregiving. She lost her dad when she was 12 and became a second parent to her younger sibling because their mom wasn’t very present.

Later, she raised my brother and me on her own after my dad passed when I was 5. She never remarried, never had help, and never really got to live for herself.

To her, grandkids felt like another emotional responsibility. It wasn’t about money or time. She once told me, “I gave everything I had to raise you two. I’m not doing that again.”

She also didn’t want our relationship to change. In her mind, she had earned her place — front and center in my life. So, a grandchild, to her, felt like competition.

We barely talked during pregnancy

When I got pregnant, I didn’t expect her to be involved. And for a while, she wasn’t. We barely talked about how I was doing or the baby.

I was also living and working in a different city, around 18 hours away, so distance was part of it. But mostly, we just didn’t talk much.

It was a lonely time, and it made our already-strained relationship feel even more distant.

I showed up with my newborn, unannounced

I took maternity leave around a week before my due date in March 2019. A week later, I gave birth.

The next day, I showed up at my mom’s place with my newborn son. In our Swahili culture, it’s normal for a new mom to stay with her mother for 40 days after birth to recover.

I hadn’t told her I was planning to stay because I already knew how she’d react. So when she saw us, she looked confused. She didn’t know what to say.

My mom was used to living alone. My brother and I had both moved out years ago for school and work.

She’d also forgotten how to look after a newborn, and I was a first-time mom, so it felt like we had to start from scratch.

She helped with the basics like cooking and holding the baby, but you could tell she wasn’t affectionate or excited.

She started showing up

I stayed the full 40 days and then went back to my place. In the first few months, she barely checked in. When she did, it was mostly about me, not the baby. Honestly, I even started to think she’d never come around.

But when my son turned 6 months old, she started randomly dropping by, sometimes with groceries, sometimes just to hold him while I ran errands. She even helped me find a nanny when I returned to work.

Now my son is 6, and they’re inseparable. They cook, farm, tell stories, and argue about snacks and the TV remote.

Sometimes I just sit and watch them laugh at things I don’t even understand.

Being a parent didn’t just change my life; it gave me a way back to my mom. She still says she never wanted to be a grandmother. But she is one now.

And I don’t think she can imagine not being one anymore.

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