When my wife and I moved to Nelson, British Columbia, from Calgary in late 2017 with our 3-year-old daughter and newborn son, we didn’t think much about what it would mean to raise our kids far from family. We were focused on the lifestyle: a slower pace, access to nature, and a community that felt more personal than a big city.
At the time, our kids were so little, and the adage of “it takes a village” felt abstract. We figured we’d visit our parents a few times a year, FaceTime often, and everything would work itself out.
And in a way, it did. Just not how we expected.
Living a seven-hour drive from both sets of grandparents has made parenting harder at times, but it has also forced us to build a new kind of support system, one that’s stitched together from friends, neighbors, and community. While it’s not exactly the “village” we imagined, it’s become one that works.
The hardest part is the everyday absence
When the kids have a school concert or a birthday party, I think about how my parents would love to be there. They’d be the ones snapping too many pictures, helping set out snacks, or slipping the kids a few dollars “for ice cream later.” But most of those tiny moments happen without them.
We visit when we can (which, between work and school schedules, ends up being about twice a year — not nearly as frequently as we’d like), and the grandparents make the long drive out here two or three times a year. However, those stretches in between can feel long.
The guilt of living far away never fully disappears, especially when I see how much our kids light up during visits. They love the stories, the special attention, the sense of family history that only grandparents can provide.
But I also know that moving here gave us something we couldn’t find in the city: space, both literal and mental. It’s made us more intentional about connecting with our children, the people around us, and our parents, when we do see them.
We learned to build our own support network
Without family nearby, we’ve had to rely on others in ways that don’t always come naturally. When we first moved to Nelson, we didn’t know a single person. Over time, that changed. We met parents through school and our kids’ activities, friends through work, and neighbors who became more like extended family.
Now, when life gets busy, our community fills the gaps. It’s not the same as having family nearby, but in some ways it’s made our connections deeper. Every bit of help feels like an act of trust, and that’s built friendships that go beyond convenience.
Grandparents still find ways to show up
Despite the miles between us, our parents have remained an important and integral presence in our kids’ lives.
We FaceTime at least once a week. Sometimes we call just to catch up, and sometimes it’s to let the grandparents see what the kids are up to. Those calls have become a small but invaluable thread of connection for our family, a reminder that forging close relationships doesn’t necessarily depend on proximity. Even through a screen, our kids know their grandparents’ voices, their laughter, and their love.
There are still times when I wish my parents lived down the street. When one of the kids is sick, when my wife and I need a break or want a weekend away, or when life just feels too much. These are the times when the absence hits hardest.
However, the distance has also made us stronger as a family, as it has forced us to find creative ways to connect, ask for help, and invest in our community.The grandparents may live hours away, but the love they still give and the life we’ve built here remind me that closeness isn’t just about geography. It’s about showing up, however — and whenever — you can.