Inspirational thought of the week:
"You all have got to start thinking on a different level here. Like the CIA does. Now, we are through the looking glass here, people. White is black, and black is white."
-- Kevin Costner as Jim Garrison from "JFK"
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the giant industrial vats of hair paste and Gold Bond medicated powder that we keep on standby for "Marty & McGee" every Saturday in the heat and humidity of the swampy Deep South, we are way too busy to do much TV show binging. However, we have watched enough "Stranger Things" to know two things. First, avoid abandoned shopping malls. Second, the Upside Down, that realm that exists on a parallel plane beneath our feet where everything that is opposite to what we think we know suddenly becomes the reality that we need to learn to live with -- yeah, that is all totally real.
How else can we explain UMass, the defending Bottom 10 champion and preseason Bottom 10 top bottom team, not only upsetting Rutgers in Piscataway on opening night but then backing that up with another victory, this time over Sacred Heart? A team that hadn't won a game in 16 tries now has back-to-back wins for the first time in nearly three years.
And what other explanation could there be than something truly supernatural when the very next weekend after UMass snapped its lengthy skid, Oklahoma State, the team with the newly inherited longest losing streak of 12 games -- and 21 against FCS teams -- not only ended those droughts but did so against Oregon, which is the No. 6 team in the country and is coming off back-to-back College Football Playoff appearances?
So who's next? Our newly ranked top bottom team is on an 11-game slide, now the longest in the land. So its opponent had better be on alert, right? And who exactly is that loser and would-be victim? Scroll and read on to find out. Unless your name is Schiano or Lanning. If so, you have better things to do right now.
With apologies to Western Kentucky D-lineman Zaqq Strange, former South Alabama O-lineman Troy Thingstad and Steve Harvey, here are the 2026 post-Week 2 Bottom 10 rankings.
1. Charlotte 0-and-2ers (0-2)
The Twoers, er, sorry, Niners, spent last weekend at Ole Miss losing 41-9. Now they travel to Appalachian State, where according to the mystically correct ESPN Analytics machine, they have only a 14% chance of winning. The good news is that if there were ever two college towns where someone could find a drink to ease their pain, they're Oxford and Boone.
2. Northern Ill-ugh-noise (0-2)
The Other Huskies lost to FCS team Illinois State at home 28-24, leading many around Huskie Stadium ... OK, the few around Huskie Stadium ... to wonder aloud, "When does #MACtion start?" Then they realized NIU is now in the Mountain West.
3. Boiling Green (0-2)
This weekend's trip to Iowa State was originally supposed to be the first part of a home-and-home, but the Falcons asked to return to Ames for the back half next season because, in the words of the Cyclones' athletic director, "They needed the money." I don't know about that. This all feels like a ploy to get burgers at Cafe Beaudelaire in back-to-back Septembers.
4. In a Rut-gers (0-2)
The Scarlet Blights were stunned by UMess to open the season, then lost at Boston College. Fresh out of Massachusetts schools to play, they will now participate in one of those classic regional rivalries that has powered the Big Ten for 130 years: Rutgers at USC.
5. Ore-gone (1-1)
I was in Kentucky last weekend, and I thought it was a little suspicious when I saw some of the Jurassic Park scientists with Barbasol cans sneaking around behind Wildcats coach Will Stein trying to snatch hair off his head. Now I realize they'd been sent by Dan Lanning to see if he could steal back some offensive DNA from his old OC and sneak out of the Coveted Fifth Spot.
6. ULM (pronounced "Uhlm") (0-2)
Ulm, the Hawks had a chance entering the, ulm, fourth quarter this past week before falling to the, ulm, UAB Blazers 26-20. Now they host the, ulm, Southeast Louisiana Lions, a 1-2 FCS team. According to, ulm, ESPN Analytics, ULM has a, ulm, 59% chance of snapping its, ulm, 10-game losing streak.
7. Sackreminto State (1-2)
The Sacks, who used to be in the FCS, lost their opener to Eastern Michigan in what is now a MAC conference game. Last weekend they lost to Fresno State, which is no longer in the Mountain West but is in the Pac-12. This weekend they host North Dakota State, which is also no longer in the FCS but is in the Mountain West. Did I miss something? Is Christopher Nolan making a college football movie?
8. Mizz-ery State (1-1)
The Show Me State Bears face Marshall in what felt like it might be the Pillow Fight of the Week, but the Blundering Hurd messed all that up when they won over Muddled Tennessee in another game that felt like it could have been a PFOW before MTSU won in Week 1 over Murray State. It's enough to make us scream into our pillows, and for a week.
9. State of Kent (1-1)
The Golden Flashes pocketed $1.3 million for their Week 1 loss at South Carolina and will receive $1.9 million to travel to Ohio State this weekend. How much they paid Wofford to come to Kent in between has not been disclosed, but for some reason I have a Flash the Golden Eagle-as-Leo DiCaprio "Fun Coupons" gif in my head.
10. Sam Houston, We Have a Problem (0-2)
The Bearkats kouldn't klimb into the win kolumn, losing to Tulsa, aka UT, after kicking off their kalendar with a loss to Troy, aka TU. This week's klash is with Nikolls ... sorry, Nicholls, which doesn't inklude a T in its name. But next week's kontest is with Texas Tech, aka TTU.
Waiting List: UTEPid, Western Kentucky Hillstoppers, Baller State, CM-Yew, Whew Mexico State, politics.