A WIN FOR HUMILITY AND NEAT HAIR

Perusing the records we could find of Leyton Orient’s 4-0 shellacking of Sheffield Wednesday on a cold January afternoon in 2011 at Brisbane Road, Football Daily could find little or no indication that the young tyro who scored the O’s second goal might one day be presented with the most prestigious individual gong in world football. On loan from Spurs, a whey-faced 17-year-old Harry Kane marked his first senior start with what the BBC described as “a neat finish”, stealing in at the far post to convert a Dean Cox free-kick. Even after a breakthrough 2014-15 season for Spurs that yielded 31 goals and earned him an England call-up, assorted experts predicted Harry would prove to be little more than a one-season wonder – a kind of footballing Chumbawamba but with better manners and neater hair. Eleven seasons later the immensely likable Bayern Munich striker continues to bang them in for club and country with such monotonous regularity that few were surprised to see him presented with the Ballon d’Or! Ballon d’Or!! Ballon d’Or!!! Ballon d’Or!!!! by the original and best Ronaldo live at the London Palladium. Not since the late Bruce Forsyth has any Englishman in an over-sized crushed velvet bow tie looked more at home on the famous old venue’s stage.

A footballer who has worked his socks off to maximise every ounce of his talent, Kane’s acceptance speech was extraordinarily long and a study in humility and gratitude. And while we can’t say for certain that Cox didn’t get a shout-out for the assist that set the goalscoring juggernaut in motion, the former Orient winger will have had every right to feel aggrieved if that was the case because just about everyone else who has appeared in Kane’s orbit since he was a Junior Gunner got a mention. When it came time to thanking his wife and parents, Kane’s voice wavered, albeit in far less comical style than that time shortly after the Mexico game when he was trying to explain what happened to Jordan Henderson in the post-match celebrations. At the end of a preposterously long awards bash high on pomp, ceremony and self-importance, Kane’s on-stage modesty was a welcome antidote to much of the bombast that had preceded it. “It sounds crazy, but it also sounds pretty good,” he whooped of his new status as Ballon d’Or winner. “What a special night. It’s an incredible, incredible feeling. I’m still just trying to take it all in. It really feels like a dream – the emotion, just relief, joy, happiness, excitement. To have that kind of release and then be able to share it with everyone there in the theatre was special.”

Presided over by Thierry Henry and Kate Scott, football gong-giving’s answer to Mick Fleetwood and Samantha Fox, Monday night’s ceremony didn’t go entirely without a hitch. Proceedings kicked off more than 30 minutes late, perhaps due to the fact the organisers hadn’t realised how long it would take the great and the good of the game to preen their way down the seemingly endless red carpet rolled out on Argyll Street. “Football unites the world” has long been the clarion call of Fifa overlord, Gianni Infantino, and for a while during the Ballon d’Or buildup there was no discernible difference between those posing on the Axminster in their glad rags and those shivering in their anoraks on the other side of nearby barriers. While few would begrudge Kane an accolade that is a bit naff but clearly means so much to him, like most empty vessels these naysayers tend to make a lot of noise. Online superfans of Kylian Mbappé and Lamine Yamal have been vocal in their disparagement of the voting process, while more than a few Arsenal fans appear to have got the hump because something-or-other about Declan Rice and David Raya. All concerned could learn a thing or two from the message Kane posted following his win: “Work hard in silence,” it read. “Let success be your noise.”

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“The players haven’t got a leg to stand on. What’s not fair is the performances they are giving. I looked at the fans, you could see the pain and anger in their faces when those players are walking around the football pitch. You see [Lisandro] Martínez when Rayan ran round him, they are not getting to the ball, it’s so frustrating. I could score a goal, had ability or whatever, at least I [effing] ran and put myself about as a team. These players are not doing that. I would love to go in that dressing room and say: ‘What the [eff] are you all doing? What type of performance do you think this is? Do you think you deserve to wear the shirt?’ Put [an effing] firework up their [ar$es] because they are not doing anything. It is at best a mid-table team, but if you look at all the mid-table teams, what do they get? They get players working hard, running and tackling. These players think they are better than what they are. You are deluded if they think the front three are good enough. They wanted Premier League players, they have brought lads from Wolves, Brentford, who have done well, but for signings to take this Manchester United team to the next level, you are living in cuckoo land if you think they are going to achieve that” – Wayne Rooney calmly explains the ongoing situation at Manchester United.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

Re: yesterday’s Football Daily. OK, so it may not be that contemporary, but Omar Berrada’s name fits into a jaunty song I came up with when bored, to the tune of Escape (the Piña Colada song) by Rupert Holmes: ‘If your name’s Omar Berrada / Head should be hangin’ in shame / If you’re supportin’ the Glazers / You’ve only got half a brain / If Jason Wilcox hasn’t done one / When he is mostly to blame / Then we’re the fans that you’ve stuffed / How do we stop the pain?’ I’m not even a United fan, but they’re all welcome – Simon Mazie.

I would happily take the Manchester United job, as it’s a surefire way to earn three years’ pay in six months – Alex Lester.

Now the shambles at United is even clearer, might Bryan Mbeumo be wishing he had chosen Spurs instead? – Richard Fernandez.

About Jonathan Chester-le-Street’s excellent idea to nominate Noble Francis for the Fifa presidency (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). I back that nomination and look forward to his first act in office: the creation of a Noble prize, awarded to himself obviously – Peter Oh.

If you have any, please send letters to [email protected]. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day goes to … Simon Mazie. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here. 

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