Jorm Sangsorn/Getty Images
A few years ago, Niro Feliciano didn’t even have the time to grasp how busy she was. The mom of four was taking on more writing and speaking gigs on top of her work as a psychotherapist and a licensed clinical social worker.
“I remember sitting in my office. I had done eight sessions, several with adolescents. And I said, ‘When was the last time I spent 45 minutes listening to one of my kids?’” she says.
She realized that how she wanted to spend her time and how she was really spending it “were very much misaligned,” she says. “I did not see enough of a reflection of things that brought me joy and contentment.”
If your day leaves you no room to enjoy what matters, reevaluate where your time is going, says Feliciano, author of two self-help books, including This Book Won’t Make You Happy: Eight Keys to Finding True Contentment.
Feliciano asks many of her own clients to do this, especially those who feel like they’re on a “hamster wheel and can never catch up,” she says. “Oftentimes, the things that are most important to them don’t have much of a place in their day-to-day schedule.”
To regain control of your time — and your life — try these exercises from Feliciano.
Do a time audit
Make a list of the people and the activities that are the most important to you. It might be loved ones like your partner, your kids or your bestie, and hobbies like reading, working out or video-chatting with your long-distance friends.
Then do a time inventory. Where is your time really going each day? Are the lists matching up? You might find that a lot of your day is spent on obligations, chores and time-sucking activities.
Then look for ways to make your lists reflect each other. Where can you carve out more space for your family? Or set aside a moment for reading?
“When your schedule begins to align with your values is when we begin to feel inner peace,” she says.
Cut back on the time-wasters
To make more time, you’ll need to set some boundaries, Feliciano says. “What are you doing that makes you feel resentful, depleted, exhausted?” And what can you do to limit yourself from those activities?
Feliciano found that she was spending a lot of unnecessary time scrolling on social media — but that wasn’t on her list of priorities, so she cut back.
You may need to communicate with other people that you are taking a break. For example, you might tell your friend (who’s a bit of an energy vampire) that you’re pausing for a bit on weekly trivia.
Those who have your best interests in mind will understand. “The only people who will push back on your healthy boundaries are the people who benefited from you not having them,” Feliciano says.
Don’t overlook where you can gain time. Feliciano often has this conversation with mothers, “because they are doing so much for their children and partners,” she says. Enlist family members’ help with everyday tasks and chores. “That’s good for everyone on board.”
Learn to exist in the open space you’ve created
Be purposeful with your newfound time, Feliciano says. Do something joyful. Catch up with an old friend. Start that project you’ve been meaning to get to. “If we think about those things prior to that moment, we’ll know how to fill it,” she says.
Get comfortable with being bored. “Do you have a few minutes where you can just be still and rest your body? Even doing nothing is OK,” she says.
And don’t forget: The impulse to be busier and busier can leave you in endless pursuit. “When your value and identity lie in acquisition and accomplishment, you will constantly be pursuing it,” she says. “It’s a cycle that you’re constantly going to be chasing unless you choose to get off it.”
This story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. The producer of the episode is Margaret Cirino. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected].
Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit.