I looked up during breakfast and saw my husband trying to hide how hard he was crying. I couldn’t even attempt to do the same. “Mamá, are those happy tears?” one of my twins asked me as I tried to contain a waterfall with my hands.
It was the last day of Pre-K for our twins. All three of our kids attended the same place from when they were 2 years old, and knowing this was the last drop off we would ever do there was hitting harder than I expected.
I suddenly realized my kids will never be this little ever again.
We know, it goes by fast
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to enjoy my kids when they were little because they grow up so fast, I would probably be fighting Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos on the billionaire list.
I know — it does go so fast. Yet, waking up this morning, a day that I’ve been mentally preparing for weeks, I was utterly overwhelmed by all of the emotions I was feeling.
Suddenly, memories of dropping off my kids for the first time came to me. Their tiny little hands held tight to my neck as they were nervous to go into a new environment with new people they had never met. I remembered being overburdened with the packing list, all the things they needed, from diapers to indoor shoes to a small stuffed animal that would make them feel at home.
I also remember how nervous I was to hand my most beloved humans on earth to someone I barely knew, putting all my trust in them. I had to grow with my kids, too.
They blossomed into who they are
And those Pre-K teachers loved them so much. My three kids would come home with art projects, dirty clothes, and full of stories to tell us, from Cream the bunny exploring the classroom to learning about Chinese food and even finding the courage to help make maple syrup with an open fire.
If any of them were having a bad day, we would get a call to let us know, and I would rush to pick them up, ready with a big hug and snuggles to help.
But days turned into months, which turned into years, and my kids became more and more confident during their time in preschool. From being the new kids to being the old kids, they became leaders, explored their interests, and learned how to read and write — but more importantly, they all learned what it means to be a good friend. And if I blinked, I missed how they changed from one month to the next.
It’s hard to say goodbye to their little selves
So, as I dropped the twins off one last time at this preschool before they head into real school, I realized that what was difficult about this transition was not the change. I can handle change easily.
What is hard is realizing that they are not the little versions of themselves I still sometimes picture when I think of them. They are not toddling around in diapers, shyly exploring the playground. They are confidently jumping off platforms, building dams, and having fun.
They are growing. And I’m left trying to say goodbye to who they were. A version of themselves they will never be again. A clear realization that time won’t slow down, that this will go way too fast, and that I might miss it and later regret it.
I don’t have any more babies in the house, and this is one transition that no one prepared me for.