We were in rock climbing class at our little liberal arts university when we heard our daughter was on her way home. My wife and I didn’t expect the timing, but rather than ask questions or wonder what to do, we snapped into action and began to prepare for our adopted daughter’s arrival.
My partner and I were juniors in college when we became immediate parents.
Before that hectic moment, a family member told us about a little girl who needed a home. At first, we thought the idea was crazy, having just been married weeks before, but the family member assured us the process would be long and we could finish college before she would be placed. We thought and prayed about it, ultimately deciding it was something we could do.
However, some external factors sped up the process, and there was a need for her to come into our home much sooner, so, after a couple of months from saying “yes,” we brought home our daughter.
Within days, we moved off our college campus and into a two-bedroom apartment. We shifted schedules, bought new furniture, and told our parents (not in that order!).
Our lives were changed in ways we had never expected, and although it was stressful at times, I wouldn’t change how we learned and grew as a family.
Our peer group changed in an instant
One of the greatest surprises of parenthood at a young age was losing one peer group and developing a new one.
At first, we were a young couple with no kids, so we tried to cultivate relationships with couples in the same category for the first six months of our marriage. We even had a couple over the same night we found out we were becoming parents, and, to our surprise, they never came back around after our family grew.
Instead, our college peer group gave way to deeper friendships with many of our professors who were also growing young families. Talk about a vibe shift.
I still often find it strange that the same holds true today. Many of our closest friendships are with peers five to 10 years older than us because we have kids of similar ages.
We realized our kid would determine many things for us and would shape how we relate to our peers.
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We experienced layers of challenges, quickly
We endured some significant stress points in the early days, and the learning curve to parenting a 3-year-old was high.
At the same time, we were still aiming to finish university within four years and earn enough to sustain ourselves while finalizing the adoption process.
Very simply, we were in over our heads.
We took things day by day, but our new normal was hard to navigate. We decided to put our daughter into two twice-a-week preschools to accommodate our schedules. This wasn’t an easy choice for us because we also knew that bonding and attachment in the early days of adoption are critical, but our packed schedules made preschool a much-needed option.
Decisions like these happened on almost a daily basis, and the fear of not knowing what was right (and not just easy) was sometimes overwhelming.
Our community surrounded us
The challenges would likely have completely destabilized us, but our community rallied around us in a way we never expected.
Our family doctor, lawyer, therapist, babysitters, and friends were all embedded in our college community. I was already happy with the education I was getting at the school, but the type of community support we received is what solidifies my fond memories of our days in university.
Although we had tough decisions as a family, we had support and mentorship that helped us navigate each one.
If I had to advise anyone in a similar situation, I would tell them that connecting deeply with a community was the key to our ability to navigate our early days as parents.
It made us into who we are today
Those early days as parents weren’t easy, and we made a lot of rookie mistakes. A lot of the time, we felt like kids raising a kid.
Regardless, those tough early days produced a foundation that has carried us through. We are more flexible, resourceful, and willing than we would have been otherwise.
Today, my partner and I have four kids and are very grateful for the unique beginning of our lives as parents. We now allow the lessons learned to inform what we do today.