Growing up, I did well in my studies and extracurriculars and always believed I would be a great teacher for my own kids one day. When I became a mother, that started to come true.
For years, I helped my son with his homework across all subjects, and it worked. He was doing well, and I felt proud that I’d contributed.
I admit I never really loved math, but I could handle the basics like fractions, multiplication, and even some early algebra. He understood it all.
However, then came secondary grade math, and topics like linear equations, which were difficult for me to explain.
When math got hard for both of us
One evening, as I read the math problems on his latest worksheet, I felt stuck. I recognized the math, but I couldn’t figure out how to explain it in a way that made sense to him.
At first, I told myself it wasn’t me. Maybe he wasn’t focusing. Maybe the teacher didn’t explain it well. Deep down, though, I knew I wasn’t helping.
A few days later, his test scores proved it. He was struggling, but I kept pretending I could fix it on my own. I didn’t want anyone else stepping in.
The moment I realized I was doing more harm than good
Even with his low math scores, I told myself I just needed to try harder, sit with him longer, and go over the problems again. I thought that if I really cared, I would figure it out.
Then one evening, my husband said something that made me stop: “Your ego is affecting his learning.”
That hit hard, but I brushed it off at first. I thought I wasn’t trying to prove anything, just trying to be a good mom. I wanted to believe I could be the one to help with everything, and being unable to do something directly translated into “I am not doing enough” in my mind.
Another push, an even bigger one, came from my son when he asked if we could get a math tutor. I initially said no. I thought he was only asking because his father had suggested it, and honestly, him asking was hurtful. I felt like I had failed and that I was no longer enough.
Eventually, I had to admit to myself that my husband was right: I was making it about me, not about what my son needed.
It finally sank in after I reluctantly arranged a demo class, where the tutor explained a complex math problem to my son with expertise in a way I had been unable to.
I learned to let go of the “perfect parent” idea
Getting a tutor was not just about helping my son with math, it was about me learning to step back. I had to accept that I couldn’t be everything for my child, and that’s OK.
I finally understood that being a parent is not about having all the answers. It’s about teaching your kids how to get through tough spots, how to ask for help, and how to admit when they are stuck.
Plus, my son’s mind works differently from mine. He’s fast with numbers, much faster than I ever was. What he needed was someone who could guide him clearly and calmly, and I was no longer that person. Not because I didn’t care, but because I was not the right teacher.
It’s like if he wanted to learn boxing, I wouldn’t jump in as his coach just because I’m his mom. Math should be no different, I’ve realized.
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Once I admitted I didn’t know how to help, everything shifted
When the pressure to know it all disappeared, I felt lighter — and so did my son.
Now, when he struggles with anything, school, emotions, life, he asks for help, and I no longer feel the need to solve it all by myself.
Instead, I ease his mind by saying something like, “Let’s figure it out if we can, or find someone who can help.”
What I thought was a parenting failure turned out to be one of the best lessons I have learned.
Thankfully, the stakes were low. I just stopped chasing the idea of being the perfect parent and started being a real one.